Tuesday, 14 August 2012

I have a husband. He reads a lot. And I don’t mean bills. Big books. A lot of paper. A lot of ink. A lot of wisdom. Well ok, maybe not that much wisdom, mainly action, spaceships, aliens, guns and that sort of thing.

Seldom my blog, though… At least not since there are soooooooooooo maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaany words in it…

He says it’s entertainment and entertainment is for ‘people who have time’. Sometimes it seems to me that ‘people who have time’ must have croaked it centuries ago along with those who succumbed to the black plague. They suffered terribly from their condition. Time does that to people. Cruel concept and all that… To be avoided at any cost.

When he invented the week god probably spoke* – “Thou shall not have time 6 days a week. On the seventh thou shall do nothing, but have a lot of time.’ He was very philosophical and we all know how impractical that is at times…

Anyway

This lack of wild ecstatic interest in my blog makes me question my ability to communicate properly within the frames of sanity forced upon fragile creative souls like myself.

In other words: I wonder if I write dumb shit or what.

But I don’t wonder long, because I have a 140 character twitter attention span. Moreover because I was told there are a lot of other people out there who can read too (wow) and have more time (utterly amazing) and might be interested (I’m all ears and arms and legs).

In addition to that I don’t wonder long because I have another insane story to share and I figure, hell, why not annoy the world with it?!

Plus all my stats climbed towards infinity, that is more than >10 (ok, joke, I have way more visitors although I don’t know how much more because today is not a good day to count numbers that don’t start with a zero and finish with a zero.)
So naturally I feel stressed. No, call that motivation! Sounds better. Sounds like something I need a lot of before submitting to eat fast food. That, and free coupons.
Free coupons are what makes me buy edible stuff I can’t spell and couldn’t grow in my own garden. I once read that the very essence of healthy food is the fact that it would grow in your own garden: like tomatoes, cheese or an entire cow. Fast food does not grow in a garden. What a surprise to my naive soul.

So let’s start.

Here I am and I will tell you all about dyslectic aliens.

I know a few. They are cute. Although very dumb.
They inhabit a planet with plants. They water them and talk to them. Never get an answer though. Which makes them wonder. But not for too long because they suffer from a tiny attention spam too. (No, they DON’T have twitter, but they have instagram…)
Apparently their dyslectic condition prevents them from reading. But alas, they have TV on that planet too.
They prefer moving pictures to talk shows.
They do not blink unless spoken too. Which is very rare. So they keep on staring. Which looks weird. On the other hand and seen through their eyes blinking probably could be understood to be a nervous disease of some sort. So they are happy staring aliens.
They are oblivious to us so they can peacefully sleep at night.
They can’t write or read TODO Lists properly which makes them perfectly happy.
They want to conquer the universe, but not today. Because today all four suns shine and build a perfect square. They love squares.
They make their own sausage and eat it too. It grows in their own garden. It is healthy. Although not vegan.
They have flying stuff like socks and creepy stuff like bats.
Their ability to cope with the demands of life is remarkable: they practically invented sleep.

That was it for today.
I know it was short, but brevity is the soul of wit.

Also I want to go for a swim and see if I succeed in sinking to the bottom of the pool after a deep breath. I love intimidating the laws of nature… They so bore me that it is high time to strike back.

*(side note: I know I mix things up like christianity and judaism etc but let’s just pretend it was that way, and santa’s coat was always red and the grass was always green, ok)

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