Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Receptionist: ‘F****!’
Me: ‘Pardon?’
Receptionist: ‘What the hell are you doing?’
Me: ‘I’m sucking all precious blood out of the orthodontist,’ I growl and tighten my grip around the neck. ‘What the hell does it look like I’m doing?’
Receptionist: ‘It looks like you’re sucking all precious blood out of the orthodontist.’
Me: ‘There you go!’
Receptionist: ‘I will call the police!’
Me: ‘I love police! My best food has a police badge on it.’
Receptionist: ‘You are evil!’
Me: ‘You’re smart!’
Of course she isn’t. But one should always be nice to food.

So I was at the orthodontist. And it takes doctors only 5 minutes to know that I suck. I’m the Nosferatu among patients, draining them of their life’s energy, vacuum the essence out of their body. Aka: I ask too many questions and I seldom agree.

Also, instead on concentrating, I imagine too many pink plastic nano things circling in the air and bouncing while doctors keep repeating what is really wrong with me. What has been bothering me since I entered the womb. In a language I do not understand.
I wonder why they use those freaky words that seem to come out of a dictionary for medieval torture devices.


Me: ‘I would like a night guard.’

Then she explains to me to forget what all the other doctors before her said, BECAUSE what I DO need is a lifelong bracket system BECAUSE my front teeth are straight.
And straight teeth are apparently BAD!

Right up to that moment I thought teeth were good when they were straight so I am surprised, but what do I know. I have to remind myself that they own an intelligent degree.
Ok, so do I.

Anyways. She enumerates all the stuff that will have to fit in my mouth and I wonder if this new system will also take over the talking for me. Because that would be strange!!

I also figure that this bracket system will probably pay for the golden puppy bowl she eyed during her last weekend shopping tour in Amsterdam. That or the massage frog.

Me: ‘Let me see your teeth’ because I want to see what I get if I agree to pay for the amazing massage frog.

The orthodontist looks bewildered ‘I have false teeth.’ Then she turns and reaches for a denture model ‘I do not have representative teeth.’

Me: ‘Ah! That must be embarrassing..’
I hope it will take another year or two until this sentence slides out of my mouth too.

So I figure I need to get representative teeth. I wonder if there is a catalog out there for representative teeth and various other body parts.

I probably should get representative breasts too. Not too heavy so my brain does not fall out of my head if I happen to lift something heavy and not too light so that I don’t fall on my back when I look at the sky.

Also I should get a new representative moccha if I want a kid because mine obviously doesn’t produce children. Which was swell until now, but I am sure some smart-ass gynecologist will tell me that this problem has been bothering me all along…

Ok and then I get very angry and bite the bitch which felt very natural by the way and blood was all over the place and brackets and false teeth and whatnot. And that was when the receptionist came in and we discussed this small incident over a cup of coffee and some bloody doughnut.

Ok. That was reality fiction. For those who are not sure…
I should patent this term.

There is no picture because this would have been incriminating. But I might draw an outline of the crime scene these days.

54 Responses to “I am the nosferatu”

  1. Incorporating Plans Inside of Antivirus Coupon 2030

  2. Lilia says:

    Hello, you post interesting content on your site, you deserve much more visits,
    just type in google for – augo’s tube traffic

  3. wow gold says:

    You are a very intelligent individual!
    wow gold

  4. Uncomplicated Companies For Antivirus Coupon – Some Insights 2030

  5. WOW Gold says:

    An advanced hawaiian for resident ) of houston, You will be aware of the overseeing legal guidelines moreover includes concerning wagering. Apparently several of the people yet all the same imagine the actual legitimacy of on line gambling establishments close to you. However, A person surprised to realize without a doubt great amount of ture over legal on-line online casino usually will be functioning in california.
    WOW Gold

  6. Lee says:

    Excellent goods from you, man. I have consider your stuff previous to and you’re just extremely excellent. I really like what you’ve got here, really like what you are stating and the way by which you say it. You’re making it entertaining and you continue to care for to stay it smart. I can’t wait to read much more from you. That is actually a wonderful site.

  7. Wonderful, what a weblog it is! This weblog presents useful facts to us, keep it up.

  8. I’ve been exploring for a little for any high quality
    articles or weblog posts on this sort of house .
    Exploring in Yahoo I eventually stumbled upon this site.
    Studying this information So i am happy to convey that I have a very
    excellent uncanny feeling I came upon exactly what I needed.
    I most indubitably will make sure to don?t overlook
    this site and provides it a glance regularly.

  9. Wonderful blog! I found it while browsing on Yahoo News.
    Do you have any tips on how to get listed in Yahoo News? I’ve been trying for a while but I never
    seem to get there! Appreciate it

  10. continuously i used to read smaller posts which as well clear
    their motive, and that is also happening with this piece of writing which I am reading now.

  11. Hello there! Quick question that’s entirely off topic.

    Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly?
    My blog looks weird when browsing from my iphone.
    I’m trying to find a theme or plugin that might be able to fix this problem.
    If you have any suggestions, please share.

  12. No-Fuss Suggestions Within just Antivirus Coupon 2022

  13. grand vendeur . . . grande communication, livraison rapide

  14. Their last hope of getting together is to get funds from the vulnerable dating member in order to make the meeting successful.
    World wide web Dating Advice 3: Develop an attractive and
    fascinating profile. com is another top performing Canadian dating website on the internet today with more than 10 million members worldwide.

  15. articles sont arriv茅s en temps opportun , exactement ce que je cherchais

  16. wow news says:

    Gamer buffs may possibly give up slumbering, Overdoing without, As well as participating in emotional social impression to relax and play game. Heading to play on 10 that will 20 hours and hours, Reducing perception of skill and inescapable fact. Quite quite a few live on the internet multiplayer gaming program remain moreover go out even if the player is recorded on, Which supplies a feeling of desperation for little leaguer not to ever”Away,
    wow news

  17. The cloth material is an important factor. Lycra spandex cloth is regarded as often used material with relative cheap price. In any case, It’s also comfortable and soft to wear. So now your wait is finished, Just visit a reliable and genuine website that offers quality and cheap Coach Bags, Affordable wholesale handbags and Purses, And just place your bid. May be you are the lucky one to grab the great offer. These web based discount stores or auction websites offer their whole range of trendiest and cheap Coach Bags, Bags and Purses at offer or sale price.

  18. In this contemporary and fashionable society, Rrndividuals are pursuing for ugg australia boots cool, Unique, Stylish and novel. Whether it is uggs australia uk or products all means a lot for modern society of today. Same can be the case with trendy looking australia ugg boots.
    guild wars 2 guides

  19. wow tips says:

    Silicon valley, July 21 /PRNewswire/ the casino craps game programmers expo(R) Austin tx(GDC austin texas) May put together a keynote from honest Pearce, Full-time second in command from developing the site so crecreationalounder Blizzard, In addition to m. Allen Brack, Output manager on Blizzard Entertainment’s wow(R). Within mutual keynote, Worthy”The actual world of warcraft, Pearce moreover Brack ‘ll explore the continuing tests associated carrying out work one of the most well-known membership dependent enormously multiplayer using the net position winning contests.’grand damage automatically v’ critique
    wow tips

  20. Jessie is an imagined character from the Pokemon universe. She is a person in the Team Rocket trio with James and Meowth, Which follows Ash and buddys around in the Pokemon anime show, Usually doing steal Ash Pikachu, But always failing basically we. This character is loved among cosplayers and has a lot of sex appeal when seen in person.
    diablo 3 news

  21. “I’d rather not do identical to a unique. You need to the complete system vertically mythology. I need to make magical journey dvds simply I be interested in the company! I want include them as once you get your perspective. You won’t notice any smooth styles to appear aside from the ones that have been decorated on for really give. To access the sort of condition takes a considerable time and medical studies profit, And that’s what Logitech enjoys. An determined participation in forming you see, our own very well fashioned duck is designed in find a labratory someplace in swiss.
    FIFA 15 guides

  22. Look for skeletal system, Spiderman, Deadpool, Superman, Power rangers and many kinds. Remember to pay attention to designs, Sizes and designs. Get those dreamy costume today! Find custom Zentai with supplied design and be sure top satisfaction, Most are a touch too sexy for a girl like her, Her mom said. Not only girls are themed with sexualized zentai costumes. Boys can choose packages of pimp things as part of their zentai costumes,

  23. Cut a 10 inch strip of masking tape and stick it at the top of the red leggings on the left side. Make sure it is positioned so that it lines up with the black strip on the T shirt while wearing the leggings with the T shirt. Cut another 10 inch black strip and stick it below the prior one.When you seeing the image
    diablo 3 gold

  24. As well as the most crucial will be to determine upfront how much you can find the money to pay month
    after month on your car loans installments.

    Feel free to surf to my blog: pay day loans uk reliable

  25. Constantly alpha brawls actually are merely about educating a habit but also deteriorating a top-notch hitpoint meter. That can cause thrilling fulfilling, But it can be dull also captivation smashing. I’m not a particularly understood until recently within let me see a game title as well as far no more hassle-free invaders without employers.
    superhero costumes

  26. It difficult repel mental poison in your initial times places. During every single single element should be fun, Each includes supplementary tips to target our wildlife their relationship rrn addition to the look of them the pick up on of dis considered to beassociation real. These kinds of first four development are so all-in-one, Way far very appearance after those such as the following, And trapped to want it a a small note book laden with wrote comfortably rapid level points as opposed to the wished for world wide,
    spiderman costumes

  27. I wear necessarily indicate when you need that appear to be a curmudgeon, Unless of course yes indeed i truly do: Clearly rich Garriott isn a good deal of to influence me at hand another person your money to generate a game. Garriott reputation and i believe I actually preparing to be favorable correct happens to be incredibly spotty given that early 1990s. I put on confidence making use of star web couturiers to produce an additional reasons, Since that somebody who knew how to make something 20 yrs ago specifically grasps the required steps to destroy an conform in today’s market and on the other hand department of transportation cross punch i and misunderstand me t: While naturally i’ve cared for Garrbetting eventsott dependent on questionnable(And that i thought as a rule loving questionnable irrespective of the platforming criticisms).
    wow gold guide

  28. It is not only just an on line purchasing mall, But also concurrently camps for all zentai large fans. Has rich Zentai Suits. The website, We have verified particulars images in order that you can see obviously how the finished costume is. Get firearms: While grinding, Marketing UZUMYMW. Full ammunition: While gambling, Squeeze WANRLTW. Hitman knife Skill: While portion, Thrust NCSGDAG.
    spiderman costumes

  29. Naturally OSF steps 11 takes on on 3 in order that it don’t forget to dependent upon balancing styles one in pay. This kind of summer season season there exist 2 shows you now i’m notably regretfull information on losing. SIGH. Power particular suggestions are arranged portions in the spotlight could be grabbed in planted inside these people. A place requires to be neutralized prior to it being harnessed, Therefore it may only becoming caught in the case little or an absense of invaders are about. Cardiovascular disease partners might at a time, Your sooner it’ll be neutralized but developed.
    buy diablo 3 gold

  30. This area named Winter Fetish is here from the US. There is probably some thing already from ultimate whole body suit forum someplace about this site, But i’ve got to sayWOW! Their Darlex zentai lumber seems quite nice. I are interested. Research testimonials and reviews. Most are positive and there are good comments everywhere. If you wish to find very good costumes, You can forget to look onto zentai options.
    [url=http://myuncommonsliceofsuburbia.com/wp-content/cache/cache/]Zentai Suit Sale[/url]

  31. Cheap NBA Jerseys

    I¡¯m really enjoying the design and layout of your site. It¡¯s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more enjoyable for me to come here and visit more often. Did you hire out a developer to create your theme? Fantastic work!

  32. thanks for the info i feel it is very substanstatial for my site and very

  33. Good web site! I really love how it is simple on my eyes and the data are well written. I’m wondering how I could be notified whenever a new post has been made. I have subscribed to your feed which must do the trick! Have a great day!

  34. I search your blog from Google, I think your idea is great, I will notified more freind come here to give you a support.

  35. This can be a really amazing powerful resource that you’re offering and you just provide it away cost-free!! I that can compare with discovering websites that view the particular property value giving you a wonderful learning resource for zero cost. We truly dearly loved examining this site. Regards!

  36. It’s super site, I was looking for something like this

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge